The World's Lowest Natural Temperature is -89.2 C

So as it turns out, Earth is a cold place! I mean, it pops under 20 C and I begin to feel a tad chilly, but the global average temperature is only slightly above 14 C.

I discovered this, you see, because the temperature would have been around 18 C (I guess?) yesterday when I remarked to a friend that it was a "bit nippy". Something like "9/10 nippies". Clearly, it's time for the nippy to be defined as an actual unit of temperature.

My initial thoughts for defining the nippy scale were that 10/10 nippies sh

ould be absolute zero (Kelvin). I quickly abandoned this line of reasoning for two reasons:

1. I had no idea what 0/10 nippies would be
2. If 0/10 nippies was defined to be relevant to us at all, then it was unlikely that we'd get even to 0.2 nippies before we'd be freezing, and 0.2/10 doesn't sound all that impressive

It was this second point that lead me to decide that, like all truly arbitrary units in science, the nippy should be defined by how relevant it was to us. I mean, look at Celsius. Bitches love Celsius.

And so, with this thought in mind, I went on to discover what temperatures existed on Earth. I was expecting the range to be more like -20 C to 60 C, since that's about 20 C either side of what I've experienced. But no. The lowest natural temperature is a wholly insane -89.2 C, and the highest natural temperature is a mere 57.8 C.

What's even going on there, guys? When did our planet get SO COLD (spoilers: it was about 110,000 years ago that the last Ice Age began), and why are so many people against global warming? Clearly we need it.

So, with this in mind, I began to calculate nippy values based on 0/10 nippies being equal to 57.8 C and 10/10 nippies being equal to -89.2 C. For your reference, but sparing you the boring table, this gives you a freezing point of 0 C at a mere 4/10 nippies.

Clearly, this is still way too cold, and further relativising was needed. So, picking up the stats for New South Wales, where the minimum recorded temperature was -23 C and the highest was 50 C, I instead got around 7/10 nippies.

It was at this point I said, "You know what, this is balderdash, I'm going to choose my own flipping temperatures even more arbitrarily than I was already."

So, for your delight and misuse, I present to you:

The Nippy Temperature Scale

Celsius Conversion Chart

0/10 nippies = 50 C

1/10 nippies = 45 C

2/10 nippies = 40 C

3/10 nippies = 35 C

4/10 nippies = 30 C

5/10 nippies = 25 C

6/10 nippies = 20 C

7/10 nippies = 15 C

8/10 nippies = 10 C

9/10 nippies = 5 C

10/10 nippies = 0 C

Other interesting things I learnt today:

• One of the earliest known references to "La Cucaracha" was in 1819
• The BBC is the largest broadcaster in the world
• Some philosophers are actually paid good money to debate the possibility of the existence of zombies